Ashwood Primary School

I had a fabulous time working with the children of class 3 and 4 making up poems on the topic of aliens. The children’s superb imaginations were put to great use and they did some brilliant poems on the topic including acrostics, list poems, shape poems and even a collaborative alphabet poem.

In the meantime, the following poems are the result of a free choice competition which I opened up to the full school and which was INCREDIBLY hard to judge as the children’s poems were all an absolute pleasure to read. I finally managed to narrow it down to these 12 poems, although there were so many more that I would have liked to acknowledge here too. So here are the twelve poems that I chose in age order, unbelievably all written by 7 to 10 year olds…..

WELL DONE TO YOU ALL, YOU’VE DONE ASHWOOD PROUD!

	Monster Poetry The cricket eater, whose name was Peter Lived at the end of our street He had blue hair, a long nose And great big smelly feet. He looked around in the dark at night Hoping to give someone a fright He searched and searched till his eyes were red Then turned around and went to bed. Maxim Hirst Class 3 aged 7		Maxim, I love the clever rhyming that you have used here (even including some ‘internal rhyming’ with eater and Peter on the same line. It’s a lovely short story poem with fabulous rhythm and paints a great picture of the bleary eyed monster at night. Lovely imagery. WELL DONE MAXIM! The next thing you could do to get even better would be to learn about rhyming patterns so that the rhyming words create a pattern in the poem. Click here to find out more about rhyming patterns.

Wow Caitlin, I love your list poem. You have used so many techniques here. The variety of descriptive words that you’ve chosen is so imaginative and the rhyming that you’ve achieved is superb as you’ve managed to keep rhythm whilst keeping on topic and making sense. BRILLIANT! I also like the way you’ve used the ellipsis (…………) to draw us in to the beginning and end of the poem. WELL DONE CAITLIN!

What does a Monster Look Like?

Well……
Hairy and scary
And furry and burly
And pimply and dimply
And warty and naughty
And wrinkled and crinkled…..
That’s what a monster looks like.

How does a monster move?
It oozes, it shambles
It crawls and it ambles
It slouches and shuffles and trudges
It lumbers and toddles
It creeps and it waddles….
That’s how a monster moves.

Caitlin Cooper Class 3 aged 7
  

Down stone steps the two boys crept Past nets of webs where spiders slept.

Sophie Barley Class 3 aged 7

Sophie. This lovely little poem proves that you don’t need to write a lot for it to be good. There is lots of alliteration in this tiny poem (stone steps, spiders slept) and it gives it a really spooky feel; you’ve set the scene beautifully for the reader to imagine. I only wish I could have included your artwork too!
WELL DONE SOPHIE.

If you fancy another challenge, maybe you could see if you could continue the story and keep the same rhyme pattern and rhythm.

 

   
 

This is a great poem Luke because it’s so personal. Poetry is very much about sharing your thoughts and feelings, and we’re definitely in no doubt that you like football! I love the line “When I kick the ball I feel like a king”; it’s a great simile for how you feel. You’ve also kept a great rhyme and rhythm.

WELL DONE LUKE!

Football

Football is my greatest thing
When I kick the ball I feel like a king.

Passing, shooting, SCORING!
(When I miss, I think it’s boring!)

It really is my favourite game
When I can’t play, it’s such a shame.

Luke James Monks Class 3 Aged 8

 

 

Dear, dear, You’re so rare I’d easily save you from a grizzly bear The brightest star in the sky Is the mighty twinkle in your eye You’re so amazing you keep me dazing. Quicker than a cheetah That’s my heart racing when I meet ya I love you true Hoping you love me too.

Connor Aged 8

 

Connor, this could be a verse in a valentine’s card! You’ve used some fabulous metaphors: I love “The brightest star in the sky” and your description of the heart racing. You’ve used a clever bit of ‘poetic license’ with your rhyme for cheetah too.

WELL DONE CONNOR!

 

Louise, your poem really paints a great picture of Tara; she sounds like she’s full of fun and mischief! You’ve used some great expression and kept the rhyming appropriate to what you’re saying, which is not easy. And of course, there is automatically lots of emotion coming through because of the subject of the poem; the personal touch always bring a special quality.

WELL DONE LOUISE!

My Dog Tara

My dog Tara lies in bed
Won’t eat her tea, ate my shoe instead.

My dog Tara likes chasing cats
But instead got bit by a rat

She’s kind and friendly and likes to play
But when she’s told, she just won’t STAY!

My mum is making roast pork pie
But my dog Tara ate it dry.

All my time I love to spend
With my dog Tara; she’s my best friend.

Louise Webb Class 4 Aged 8

 

 

All the leaves are turning brown Up above and swirling around Trees swaying in the breeze Underground the badgers squeeze Making ready for the freeze Now it’s autumn, we all sneeze.

Emelia Inez Young Class 5 Aged 9

 

I am really impressed Emelia that you’ve managed to rhyme an acrostic; that’s a real challenge. Even more impressive is the fact that you’ve not just rhymed for the sake of it, but have described autumn so well. I love the line “Making ready for the freeze”

A fantastic poem EMELIA. WELL DONE!

 

 

Well done Millie; I did not expect the ending you gave this poem! An unexpected punch line is always very effective. Rooney has been in the news a lot lately, and poetry is great when it’s topical as it is relevant to so many more people, so you have a bigger audience. I love the fact that you’ve done a football chant: poetry doesn’t have to be complicated, but can be very down to earth. Having fun with it is what’s important. Now you’ve shown a real skill, I challenge you to try some other poetry forms too, as variety will keep poetry fresh for you.

WELL DONE MILLIE!

Bad One Rooney

Bad one Rooney
Bad One son
Bad one Rooney
Don’t try another one!

Bad one Rooney
Rooney is just dumb
The ball has entered in his mouth
And come out of his….
BUM!

Millie Bingham Class 4 Age 9

 

 

Welcome to my Fashion Boutique Welcome to my fashion boutique I promise you everything is unique Please come in and look some more I’m sure you will find what you’re looking for. I have…. A pair of shoes with heels so high All your friends will want to try A leather coat that’s soft and shiny And makes your waist look oh so tiny. Over here… A leopard print scarf that’s right on trend People will admire and ask you to lend A pair of jeans that fit just right And will look great by day and night. Or would you prefer… A designer bag of such beauty and glamour It’s even got celebrities in a clamour. A frilly blouse so full of style You’ll definitely stand out a mile. So….. What can I get you, now you’ve looked around? Oh! A pair of socks….. That will be a pound! Freya White Class 5 Aged 9

Freya, I love the way you’ve ‘shadowed’ my Animal Rescue poem by using the same structure and idea, but putting it to your own choice of subject: very cleverly done.

I’m especially impressed that you have used some difficult words to rhyme but have still managed to keep the rhymes totally appropriate to the subject (I can picture the celebrities clamouring for the designer handbag!)

Finally, a great punch line to bring the poem to a sudden amusing end.

WELL DONE FREYA!

 

 

Wow Charlie, I would have been proud to call this poem my own! You’ve used internal rhyming (eg, Asteroid Crunch and Galaxy Munch) brilliantly here to include lots of detail and interest to a simple list poem. Also, Chocolate Zooms and Peppermint Moons, and saucer dips and lollies to lick are classed as ‘near rhymes’, or ‘half-rhymes’, as they use similar sounds, so give the impression of a rhyme when they are not quite: a very professional technique. More importantly, the poem is mouth-watering!

WELL DONE CHARLIE (the twinkling stardust is a beautiful description)

 The Aliens Sweet Shop

He sells Asteroid Crunch and Galaxy Munch
And flying saucer dips.

He has Chocolate Zooms and Peppermint Moons
And spaceship lollies to lick.

There are Pluto Creams and Jupiter Dreams
And Twinkling Stardust bars

But the Milky Way treats are a heaven to eat
And are my favourite sweets by far.

Charlie Curran Aged 10

A Normal day at School

Monday when I got to school everything seemed fine
But when I got inside the class, Miss was drinking wine!

She took the register at 9 o’clock, but didn’t say my name
I asked her what was going on and if it’s just a game.

Before long the bell had gone and we all packed away
Some of us went for dinner, and the rest went out to play.

I sat up in the dinner hall, with my back up straight
When I was the only one who didn’t have a plate.

After I’d eaten all my dinner I went out to play
The dinner lady shouted and said “Hey! No playing today!”

Something wrong was going on, I didn’t know what to do
Something strange was happening, and my friends knew it too.

The BFG, The Mr Men, the four eyed thing that’s blind
Were following me around the school and messing with my mind…

(So we had an assembly!)

Jayne Chedgzoy Class 5

 

Jayne, this is a great story poem, which is difficult to keep up in rhyming couplets all the way through, so very well done!
Can you spot the very slight amendment I made to the last verse, and do you approve? The ending to a poem is very important, so it’s important that the rhyme scheme isn’t lost at that crucial point.

Your next step will be to achieve the same rhythm throughout the poem, which is quite a challenge to do without losing the rhyming. Click here for some teaching on rhythm in poetry.

Now keep up the good work.

WELL DONE JAYNE!

 

 

I love the detail in this poem Rebecca. It paints a wonderful picture of movement and colour, and has some very appropriate rhymes without losing the rhythm of the poem.

I love the metaphor “Ice cold breeze slaps my face”: a very definite sign that Summer has gone and Autumn has arrived. The seasons can be so inspiring; I’d love to see you write a whole series of all four. Have a look at my series of “Picturing the Seasons” for an approach using personification.

WELL DONE REBECCA!

Autumn

I see brown, yellow and red,
Crisp leaves overhead;
Tumbling conkers on the ground;
Birds are heading southward bound.
Ice cold breeze slaps my face;
Catkins fall from trees with grace.
Clean air, clear sky, beautiful sun
To be enjoyed by everyone.

Rebecca Allen Class 5 Age 9