Fitzwilliam Primary School
Winning Poems about children who worked down the mines in Victorian Britain, by Fitzwilliam Primary School
Following a visit to the National Coal Mining Museum I spent an excellent morning doing a poetry workshop with a mixed class of year 3 and 4 pupils doing poems on the topic of mining. We focussed particularly on the experiences of the poor Victorian children in Britain who were forced to work down the mines, and tried to imagine the life they would have led. The visit helped immensely as poetry is so much about experiencing and feeling what you write, and so we used the senses as our focus to help us to think of things to write about.
We acted out a few basic elements of their job, and brainstormed ideas of what the children would see, hear, smell, touch and feel, including emotionally, and these are just a few of the children’s fantastic poems that resulted from inspiring each other. You will recognise the same structure for all of the first few children’s poems, each starting with the same words, yet ending up so different. For me, a poet who loves rhyme and rhythm and finds it difficult to recognise a poem if it doesn’t rhyme, this type of structure makes free verse easier to understand as a format.
WELL DONE FITZWILLIAM!
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Down the Mine by Lucy, aged 8 I’m glad I never saw .. I’d hate to have heard…. I can’t imagine the smell To taste …. I’m glad I never felt… I’M SO GLAD THAT I WASN’T THERE!
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I love the phrase “uninviting blackness of the mine”: a fantastic description. The “smell of death” is a superb metaphor to back this up, and Lucy has also included some personification in the dust “travelling” to add interest to her writing. She has built up some excellent imagery by extending her sentences eg “until they were covered in blood”. The idea of hearing the canary stop chirping is a very significant choice, as this told the miners that poisonous gases were in the mine and they had to escape quickly….very serious implications in that one observation. |
WELL DONE LUCY!
| Down the Mine by Grace, aged 9 |
I’m glad I never saw ..
the miserable miners
chipping away at the coal
I’d hate to have heard…..
the pit ponies dragging their hooves
down the tracks of the mines.
I can’t imagine smelling….
the poisonous gasses
creeping through the mine.
To taste….
the bitter, cold air
in the mine.
It was horrible….
I’M SO GLAD THAT I WASN’T THERE!
Grace has an excellent mix of figurative language in this poem. She has used alliteration (repeating initial letters) in ‘miserable miners’ and ‘pit ponies’ to give interest to the sounds, but I particularly like the strong verbs that she has used (chipping and dragging). Both of these have a real depth of feeling and paint a picture of extremely hard work. I love the personification in the ‘creeping’ gases; the word implies mischief and sneakiness. Finally the adjective ‘bitter’ is a particularly good one to describe the taste of the cold air, as it also has a second meaning of grief and regret, which ties in well with the setting of the poem too.
WELL DONE GRACE!
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Down the Mine by Chelsea, aged 8 I’m glad I never saw .. I’m glad I never heard…. I m glad I never smelt…. I’m glad I never tasted.. I’m glad I never felt… I’m glad I never died at the age of 25! I’M SO GLAD THAT I WASN’T THERE!
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Chelsea has used lots of different types of alliteration in the phrase ‘nasty little beasts stealing’, repeating the vowel sound ‘ea’ (assonance) and the ‘st’ sound (consonance). She has continued into the second verse by repeating the initial letter sound in ‘scary silence’ (alliteration). Figurative language techniques like these are particularly good for adding interest to any writing. I especially like Chelsea’s close detailed observations… the absence of sound being the problem of the young trapper boy sat all alone in the dark, and the smell of horse manure as the ponies are confined to the tunnels with no fresh air. Even the idea of the rats wee being a part of life in the mines! Pointing out the finer details is a good skill to have as a poet. |
WELL DONE CHELSEA!
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Down the Mine by Alice, aged 8 I’m glad I never saw .. I’d hate to have heard….. I can’t imagine the smell…. I’m glad I never tasted… I’m glad I never felt… I’M SO GLAD THAT I WASN’T THERE!
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Alice has used so many figurative techniques here to make her poem interesting. I like the contrasting adjectives she used for the rats and the canary: ‘rotten rats’ is another good example of alliteration, whilst the ‘beautiful’ canary symbolises how important these birds were to the miners. She has used a great example of personification with the dust ‘choking’ her throat, but my favourite of all is the ‘dark, thick blanket of the coal mine’. It makes you understand that the miners were completely wrapped up in the dark and cold in contrast to the usual use of the word ‘blanket’ to suggest warmth and cosiness: a very clever metaphor. |
WELL DONE ALICE!
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Down the Mine by Sam, aged 8 I’m glad I never saw .. I’d hate to have heard….. I can’t imagine the fear…. To taste the soot and dust I’M SO GLAD THAT I WASN’T THERE!
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In a relatively short poem Sam has managed to put across the depth of fear that the children in the mines would have experienced on a daily basis. If there was ever a flood the miners stood little or no chance of escaping drowning, and if the poisonous gases weren’t detected, the fear of the potential explosions must also have been a constant dread. Sam has used fear as an excellent way to introduce the sense of smell, as animals have proven that fear itself has a detectable smell yet the poisonous gas, to humans, is odourless. The word ‘nibbling’ adds a menacing feel to the rats existence, whilst the soot and dust ‘filling’ the lungs is so much more expressive than just tasting it. WELL DONE SAM, a particularly good exploration of the senses. |
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Coal Mine An acrostic, by Aimee aged 9 Cold, dark, scary mine My friend is skinny, and bony, and I am upset. |
This acrostic poem is packed with emotion based on specific facts. I like the perspective of the trapper, hearing the miner chipping away at a distance, feeling lonely and cold (notice the repetition of the vowel sound here (called assonance). Aimee has brought something personal into the poem in the second verse, an image of a child with a friend, not a playmate. The vulnerability of the child working long hours, who only knows the difference between day and night by how tired they are. A really good way to draw the reader into understanding the suffering of the children. |
WELL DONE AIMEE!
| Down the Deep, Dark Mine |
By Keely aged 9 years
All I can see is the pitch black canvas of the mine
All I can feel is the cheeky rats scurrying like meer kats past my coal covered feet.
All I can taste is the thick, choking dust surrounding me
All I can hear is me, breathing. And my own heart beating
All I can smell is the poisonous gases, waiting to explode, like an unexpected bomb.
Why, just why, is the mine so mean?
N.b The poisonous gases were actually odourless to humans
Keely has used a list poem form to explore the senses but has added lots of interest by using figurative language including similes and metaphors, personification and alliteration. I especially like the line about the ‘cheeky rats scurrying like meerkats’. I don’t usually think of rats as ‘cheeky’, but can relate better to the meerkat in this way. Maybe a lonely child trapper would have this element of affection for the rats: I think that she has really put herself into the mind of the trapper.
I love the simile ‘like an unexpected bomb’ as the potential of the poisonous gases to explode was never ‘expected’, but was a very real fear of all the mineworkers.
As the poem ends Keely really personalises the experience of working down the mine, with her final question.
WELL DONE KEELY
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Down the Mine by Ellie aged 9 Miners, miners, where are your tops
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Did you know… The reason that young girls stopped being used down the mines was because of their exposure to naked miners who stripped off as they got so hot when working. Trappers would sing to themselves so that didn’t fall asleep through boredom and end up being beaten. Canaries were sensitive to the poisonous gases (which the miners couldn’t smell), so a silent or fainted canary was a warning to leave quickly, as gases were present. I love this poem because of the amount of facts that Ellie has managed to cram in such a short, rhyming poem. |
WELL DONE ELLIE!
If you would like to read my Victorian Mining poems click here. Continuing on from my workshop with the children, I also ran a free choice competition. The children were able to enter poems on any topic, in their chosen poem form, free verse or rhyme, and these are the resulting winning poems…… |
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The Moon by Lewis, aged 8 The moon is so bright The stars twinkle above The moon has patterns
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I love the simplicity of this rhyming poem, and the fact that Lewis has managed to achieve a rhythm to his poem. The adjective ‘heavenly’ has a lovely double meaning which works so well with this subject. Noticing the patterns of the moon is a good close observation, a skill which helps to make poems more interesting to the reader. |
WELL DONE LEWIS!
Your next challenge Lewis could be to make your verses rhyme in the same places. It’s called the rhyme pattern. Follow the link to learn more.
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My Dream Home by Elijah, aged 7 Made of lego bricks and candy sticks
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This is my dream home! How could I possibly help but love this poem?! It’s very similar to the way that I was thinking when I wrote ‘Wish World’. |
I love the repetition of the title through the poem which gives it a dreamy atmosphere as it’s read, and the rhyme and rhythm that Elijah has used is great.
WELL DONE ELIJAH!
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Crazy Animals by Caitlin, aged 9 Meow said the cat Woof said the dog Jump went the rabbit Spring went the flea EEK went me
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This is such a simple idea, but so effective; a great way to practise rhyme and rhythm techniques. Notice the clever half-rhyme of ‘rabbit’ and ‘cabbage’. On first reading I hadn’t even noticed it wasn’t an exact rhyme. I haven’t been able to do full justice to this lovely poem which Caitlin illustrated beautifully, including a lovely calligram at the end with the word ‘itchy’. |
WELL DONE CAITLIN!
| Hairy Canary by Grace, aged 8 |
I have a canary
That looks like a fairy.
It’s called pimple
And it has a dimple.
It likes cheese
And says “more please”.
It has a fright
When I turn on the light.
It doesn’t like mummy
But likes honey.
It thinks it’s in jail
And plays like a whale.
Do you like my hairy canary?
Grace has written a straight forward nonsense poem here; just plain silly! I love the way she talks to the reader, especially with the question at the end. Good imagination, and another great way to practice rhyme and rhythm.
WELL DONE GRACE!
A Tip for you:
The shorter lines can be easier to keep rhythm, but harder to find an appropriately rhyming word that fits in time. With a nonsense poem of course, the rhyme doesn’t have to be quite so appropriate!
| Easter Times by Abby aged 8 |
I thought I saw a bunny
It looked a little funny
Running around the bed
With a basket on its head..,. oooppsss
It’s full of eggs!
This is a great little verse, which was originally part of a longer poem, but stands alone so nicely. It has a lovely rhyme and rhythm to it, and paints an amusing picture for the reader.
WELL DONE ABBY!
| Meet the Lemurs at Yorkshire Wildlife Park by Lucy aged 8 |
Lively, leaping lemurs jumping from tree to tree
Furry acrobats performing for all to see
Stripy tails flying through the branches
Oh look at those fancy dancers
Pointy faces peeping through the leafy trees
As they rest their paws on their furry knees
Walking the tightrope with the greatest of ease
As their long fluffy tails sway in the breeze
A walk in lemur woods I would recommend
If you want to meet lots of new furry friends.
This poem is absolutely bursting with alliteration and metaphors. I love the theme of acrobats, continued with the ‘walking the tightrope’.
It can often be very tempting to use a word just because it rhymes, but Lucy has used appropriate words in her rhymes. I loved the figurative language in this so much that Lucy has given me permission to do a mild re-write of the poem to achieve a consistent rhythm throughout it, which I have used to help with my teaching of ‘Rhythm and Rhyme’. Click here to see the revised version of Meet the Lemurs at Yorkshire Wildlife Park.
Most importantly of all Lucy has made me interested to know more about the lemurs. Now that’s poetry!
WELL DONE LUCY!
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