A Royal Pardon

Does the queen do bottom burps
Trouser coughs or cheeky chirps?
Does she sneak a secret squeak,
Or is her stomach quite unique?

If the Queen eats beans, and windy greens
Like sprouts and mushy peas
Then surely she must sometimes need
To do a bottom breeze.

Is it ever windy city
When the queen is sitting pretty?
Does she trumpet on the throne
When she’s sure that she’s alone?

If the Queen eats beans, and windy greens
Like air polluting sprouts
Then surely she must feel the need to
Let the flatus out.

Does she ever shock her troops
With silent deadly super poops?
Or do her special royal genes
Combat the effect of beans?

If the Queen eats beans, and windy greens
Or very, spicy curry
Then surely she must sometimes have
A flatulency flurry.

Does she ever feel one brewing
In the palace gardens
I’m sure she must, or why else would
She give out royal pardons?!

Following an amusing comment from a friend about what the queen might think of this poem, I set about making up a reply from the queen using the same level of word play, but written as a performance, letter poem called “The Royal Reply”  The poem soon became part of a trilogy, when my son took the wondering to a whole new question when he asked whether they still hang people for treason…..hence “The Royal Apology” was born!