This silly story poem is not exactly an alternative nursery rhyme as it is not shadowing the original nursery rhyme but is using it just as the basis of an extended silly version of the tale, from the viewpoint of the suspects to the crime!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Till someone pushed him and made him fall.
Forensics were gathered and evidence found
To discover who scattered Humpty around.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Were interviewed once, then questioned again
Suspects were constantly driven insane
Till finally someone cracked under the strain.
“I did it, I pushed him, I killed him”, he cried
“But really I’m sorry, way deep down inside.
It’s just that he constantly got all the fuss
But whoever wondered what happened to us?
Each night at bedtime, he takes all the glory
While we’re barely mentioned at all in the story
Yet what of us horses and all the kings men
Who couldn’t put Humpty together again.
We should be famous, not just tossed aside
Not have our celebrity status denied
Yet Humpty has his name written in lights
The nursery rhyme title should be ours by rights.
We have to deal with the stress of first aid;
The nightmare of seeing the moment replayed.
Yet just as we’ve dealt with the stress every time
Some other mum starts retelling the rhyme.
So do not be fooled by the name of the verse
For the king’s men and horses each time come off worse
For we have emotions, we feel stress and strain
But whoever heard of an egg that feels pain?”
Now this was confessed by a horse led astray
By jealousy on that terrible day.
He scrambled an egg with no mercy at all,
But made Humpty famous in one single fall.
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